Here are my apologies to seven distinct groups, in
descending order of nobility, prior to me taking a big vacation from the
Internet, political squabbling, and other time-consuming activities, commencing
right after the election.
1. I apologize to
Manhattanites, who are more reluctant to take the L subway one stop into
Williamsburg than you might think, despite its obvious hip allure.
Nonetheless, the
DIONSYIUM could use a couple more politically-active panelists for our
fast-approaching Mon., Nov. 12 (9:30pm) post-election panel (we could use a
mainstream, Romney-boosting Republican right now, and a Greenish or Progressive
leftist too far left to vote for Obama might be interesting), SO E-MAIL ME NOW
(at gmail with a dot between my first name and correctly-spelled last name) IF
YOU CAN VOLUNTEER TODAY.
I would like to resist the temptation for the libertarians
to just argue among themselves, though we certainly can. In fact...
2. I apologize to the
liberal-tarians. Or at least, I
think the left-libertarian symposium that they’re doing as I type this over on BleedingHeartLibertarians.com
is likely to prove there are interesting distinctions between the
left-libertarians and the liberal-tarians, the latter of whom I have more often
sparred with.
Still, sadly, you could create a fuller taxonomy of
libertarian types that was defined largely by each faction’s obvious
errors. One way to put it would be to
say:
•Left-libertarians think that other radical movements are
their friends.
•Liberal-tarians think that the welfare state, with tweaks,
is their friend.
•Reason-style “lifestyle libertarians” think that sex-and-drug-loving
liberals are their friends.
•“Mainstream” libertarians focused on “fiscal conservatism”
often think the Republicans are their friends.
•Libertarian Party loyalists think American voters and
citizens are their friends.
In truth, of course, libertarians do not have friends. The principled-non-voter libertarians may
come closest to understanding this, though they sometimes have imaginary
friends (and enemies).
Seriously, though, if those of us voting Gary Johnson today
help keep Romney from the White House, it will be interesting to see if we
retain any friends at all, though we’ll at least get some publicity and
possibly tee up a far more consequential Rand Paul 2016 run. And indeed, I think Rand Paul’s improbable
but promising coalition of Tea Party, libertarian, Republican,
paleoconservative, and antiwar folk may, for all its imperfections, be the most
promising route to (eventual) victory since the late lamented Reagan coalition
that shaped my teenage mind.
Of course, if Romney wins, the more moderate and mainstream
fiscal-conservative approach (rather Reagan-like) may carry the day. If he does not, he almost immediately becomes
as irrelevant as McCain – and the infighting begins in earnest.
I’ll say this for Mitt, though, whether he is poised for an
exit or a first term in the Oval Office: his opponents have mainly gotten
traction by painting him as an icon of the dreaded “1%,” but sooner or later
everyone across the political spectrum is going to have get better at
understanding and articulating the fact that the real wealth of the 1% is not
their stuff – nor is that what we should be trying to spread around to the
masses – but rather their habits,
which (no matter how stupid these people may be individually, and many are) are
the real keys to wealth production – and are fragile social practices that can
be destroyed through bad incentives such as teaching people that governmental
pull, not entrepreneurial creativity, is the route to success.
We owe it to humanity to teach everyone to act rich, crudely
put – and not to teach the rich to act like welfare recipients instead. Civilization is not a place or a heap of
stuff. It’s a set of practices –
including rights and commerce. If we
destroy those practices, we’re going to starve and die.
3. I apologize to
writers. Perhaps I should be honing
my craft, as once-central liberal-tarians Will Wilkinson and Kerry Howley have
semi-exited politics to do, perhaps wisely (though they are among a few
acquaintances of mine to praise an essay about writerly inspiration that was
decorated with the comet-riding unicorn seen above, which is dismaying). To compensate for obsessing over politics
more than art, I hereby offer one small piece of advice for writers, to help
elevate the craft:
HINT FOR WRITERS: Please don’t create a movie, book, or TV
series based on the premise that a mysterious Event occurs that will take many
seasons (or the full length of the film) to understand and in the meantime
leaves a small, random assortment of seemingly-ordinary people superpowered,
amnesiac, stuck on an island, or otherwise cut off from the rest of society
while pursued by a mysterious government, corporate, or occult conspiracy.
4. My apologies to
BIGFOOT if he exists. Indeed, while
I am a skeptic and do not believe in any paranormal or supernatural phenomena
whatsoever, I’ve long said that if one such phenomenon turned out to be real,
Bigfoot would in some sense be the least shocking, since a big damn ape at least wouldn’t require rewriting physics or
anything (the way a God or telekinesis certainly would).
But turning from the hard facts to the psychology of such
things for a moment: why, why, why would anyone watch a video like this and
think that “Guy in a black jacket stands up” is a less likely explanation than
“Honest-to-gosh mythical man-ape is captured on (another surprisingly crappy)
video”? They should do psych tests where
they prime people with different narratives including “Watch this footage of a
guy in a black jacket standing up” or for that matter “Watch the people freak
when this bear gets up on its hind legs” and see whether anyone still leaps to
“Bigfoot” as the likely explanation.
5. My apologies to
everyone with whom I’ve fought over questions such as how hard unions suck,
and in your honor, here’s one of my favorite Blondie videos, for “Union City Blue.”
6. My apologies to
perverts. I know it can’t be
easy. It has to be confusing being a
pervert and/or feminist at this juncture in history, with so little left to
combat in the way of tradition. Indeed,
it’s been left-wing pervs in each of the past few decades – think of Madonna,
Gwen Stefani, Lady Gaga – who’ve depicted themselves handcuffed, etc., and been
coldly callous about sex. But then
feminists blame conservatives for these sorts of brutal attitudes, even though
conservatives are usually encouraging very different sorts of activities, such
as chaperoned dating, avoiding premarital sex, or sending Valentine’s Day cards.
If something creepy is happening, it has to be the right
that gets the blame, in short, no matter how complicated the Mobius strip that
redirects the blame there. I can only
imagine the tensions that must exist within the mind of the average burlesque
performer in this town. But I shouldn’t.
7. My apologies to
all the non-human species I find so little time to write about, like my
family’s recently-deceased cat Pepper, the cats beloved by some of my
anarcho-capitalist friends, and that doggy burned to a shadow-like smudge by downed
electrical wires during hurricane Sandy.
At least during the past year and a half of Facebook and Twitter use
(which I’ll now largely curtail in favor of book-writing, air conditioner
repair, or some other more substantive outlet), I did find time to link to many
cat videos. Here’s a kitty climbing a
chair, and he shows the potential to become as curious, bold, and clumsy as
Pepper himself.
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